next day

so i ended up spending the whole day with jakrin yesterday. it was pretty much bittersweet, we ended up just hanging at my house just us two. we both cried but especially me. he said some things that really hurt, but we went on with the day as friends. watched HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU aha ironic much? i was hurting and happy all at the same time.. lol weird. once he left he said something to me that made me sit and think. talked my bbygirls; yennie, marifel, thalia were there for me in my time of need. love you girls<3 made me feel stronger. called jakrin & finally said something for myself, he was speechless. spent the rest of the night til 4 in the morning prankcalling with my girls, made me laugh :) after jakrin was still up and we talked and apparently hes been hiding a lot.. but the stuff he said made me feel sooo much better, im still pessimistic though. i think all the hope was basically sucked out of me in a matter of minutes. to me theres like a 1% chance for anything to happen again & ive finally accepted it. he FINALLY told me whats really been going on in his head. :/ ohwell gotta be strong right? still smilin :] slept at 5 something in the morning, both cried AGAIN but one thing i know for sure theres HELLA SPACE NEEDED.



TODAY; woke up at 12 or 1 in the afternoon to my family coming over<3 burgers, hotdogs, sock it to me cake, and buffalo wings YUM :] jakrin came over to bring the camera for like a minute, then left. the feeling still was bittersweet. had a REALLY good talk with my sister and her boyfriend, they made me feel better. so did my mom <3 shes being pretty understanding about everything im going through. tomorrow shes gonna take me out and shopping :] DESPITE my dads stupid lockdown rule! the fams sleeping over, were debating if we wanna pay 7 bucks to go to verdugos firework show... idk but i guess you can say im doing pretty alright.